Hi, my name is Cat Sinclair, and I am an Angry Old Queer Chick.
I’m angry because there is so much injustice in the world, and …well, because I’m old. By old, I mean my bones creak and grind, my body doesn’t bend like it used to, and I forget why I came into the room. Besides being cantankerous and old, I enjoy reading, kayaking, and yelling at kids to get off my lawn. I live in northern Iowa with my wife, six cats, and a chihuahua (who should have been a cat based on its size).
I suffer from some pretty nasty chronic pain and weakness from fibromyalgia and neuropathy. I use humor to help deal with the pain – as well as to make my wife smile, because she has the most beautiful smile ever. I truly enjoy making people laugh, and I hope with my AOQC to bring a smile and make you think, too. Serious questions; funny but serious, answers. Here we go!
Dear AOQC:
Why weren’t there many labels defining lesbians in your day?
– Bi-Curious in Davenport
Dear Bi-Curious:
Labels? We didn’t need no stinking labels! You young folks just have to queer everything up and name things that don’t need no labels. Back in my day, we were good with “butch” or “femme” without adding all those extra lesbian labels to muddy up the damn waters.
Femme lesbians walked uphill both ways in the snow to get to the gay bars. Butches rode their motorcycles. And it wasn’t as easy as you kids have it these days. We had to avoid the cops AND the dinosaurs. Plus, we had to stay deep in our closets, like Harry freakin’ Potter! We couldn’t come out for fear of arrest. We couldn’t even hold hands in public.
So, we didn’t have the time or energy to devote to make up all those extra labels. It did get slightly easier after an event called Stonewall (read your gay history to see more about that), but then the AIDS crisis set us back a bit. We rallied, though, and started creating a better world for you young whippersnappers, so that you all had the ability to expand and create more labels.
You should be thanking us, not questioning our lack of labels. One more thing, youngster, “Get off my lawn!”
Dear AOQC,
I heard lesbians bring a U-haul on the second date. Do I have to? They’re kind of expensive to rent, and I don’t know what to do with it.
– Confused Late-in-life Lesbian in Des Moines
Dear Confused,
First of all, kudos for living your truth at an older age. I, too, am a LILL, or as I like to call it, LOL: a Late Onset Lesbian.
I’m so tired of hearing about the U-haul dates. This is a stereotype attributed to lesbians because “women who love women” are sometimes sure they connect with a partner quickly. Well, hetero women do the same dang thing just as often.
Some people move in together quickly; others do not move that quickly. My wife and I dated for two years before we bought a house and moved in together. Believe me, we are true lesbians doing all the lesbianing things together. We know lots of couples who dated a long time before moving in together and a few others who moved in almost right away. It just depends on the couple.
So, to answer your danged question, no, you do not need a U-haul on the second date. Stop feeding into lesbian stereotypes, ya eejit! (which the Irish among us will understand). Oh, and “Get off my lawn!”
Dear AOQC:
Can lesbians still have sex after 30? I’ve heard about lesbian bed death. Is that a real thing? Is that what happens to old peeps?
– 24 and Horny in Peoria
Dear 24,
Oh, wow. You really went there? People like you are why I’m so angry. But I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and answer your questions. First of all lesbians, like our hetero friends, can have satisfying sex as often as we like whether we’re after 30, or nearing 100. In fact, I am two days older than dirt (a lady never reveals her age), and my wife and I enjoy a very imaginative and active sex life. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
Secondly, lesbian bed death (where a couple gets so used to each other that they stop having sex and just become companions) is a very real thing – just like trans bed death, gay bed death, and hetero bed death. We can all fall into that black hole. But if you work on keeping things fresh, this isn’t an issue.
Also, it can happen to young “peeps” as easily as old ones. And why can’t you youngsters type whole words? It’s you, not U! It’s people, not peeps! Peeps are those disgusting things that come out at Easter that you love or hate, and I hate ’em! And one last thing kid, “Get off my lawn!”
Author Cat Sinclair is a resident of Iowa Falls. Her AOQC (Angry Old Queer Chick) is a new monthly column that takes an honest, yet self-deprecating, view of today’s issues through a seasoned lesbian lens.. If you have questions for Cat, send them to lovemycatz@gmail.com.
