When I was in graduate school, my professors would say things like “You should never share your political opinions,” or “The session isn’t about your views or beliefs.”
To some degree, they were correct. But the field of mental health and social work is inherently political. The way that I run my practice, mental health is also about helping underserved and marginalized communities access resources and meet basic needs.
So to say that you should not talk about politics in the therapy office is, to me, like asking you not to talk to your doctor about the heart palpitation you’ve been noticing.
Political polarization and relationships
Like our physical health, politics is a core part of our experience as Americans. It influences everything.
Especially now, in the era of this historic presidential election, politics are increasingly complex. The divide between left and right (conservative and liberal) is getting bigger, according to Vanderbilt University and many other sources.
Each day can feel like a minefield of conversations to navigate. Personally, almost every conversation I have with friends and family is woven with political topics. It’s the reality of being conscious, and of being in community.
In my office, I often meet with people whose political beliefs are drastically different than their partner or family. This can cause quite intense emotions and can make it difficult for people to have conversations with their loved ones.
So what do we do about this? How do we hear one another and continue to be in a relationship with people whose views we oppose? If only the answer were simple.
The real answer is …it depends.
Different situations have different solutions
Sometimes, you may have a clear moral difference with your partner or family member. Under these circumstances, I help clients practice emotional regulation techniques that help calm their nervous systems in tense moments. I actually help them “practice” conversations with their partners or family members by role-playing with them.
Helen LaKelly Hunt, left, and Harville Hendrix invented the IMAGO approach to relationships.
In less extreme examples, I’ll have my clients practice a technique known as IMAGO. This couples and relational therapy was created by two internationally-respected therapists, Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, who are also married for decades.
IMAGO focuses on three main phases:
• mirroring what the other person has shared in a judgment-free way
• finding a way to validate what’s been shared, or to ask for more information on what you can’t validate, and
• expressing empathy for the other’s feelings.
This process often helps clients uncover how their early childhood experiences influence the way they relate to others as adults. For example, peole whose parents or caregivers criticized them might grow up to be adults who are sensitive or reactive to a partner’s criticism.
IMAGO helps us shift the way we view the patterns in our lives. It helps us focus on connecting. It can also help people learn to hear opposing viewpoints, and to handle any distress this causes.
Where to Turn For Help
I’ll always encourage people to find a good therapist. If you can’t hire a therapist or don’t feel comfortable doing so, and don’t have a support system, I encourage a holistic approach to finding help. Try to combine in-person support like groups, credible books, and virtual support like podcasts.
Here are three sources of help that I specifically recommend:
• “The Way of Integrity” by Martha Beck, which outlines a four-step process to integrity, and with it, a sense of purpose, emotional healing, and a life free of mental suffering.
• “Towards Psychologies of Liberation” by Mary Watkins and Helen Shulman, which helps explain how colonization and other traumas affect generations, and
• “We Can Do Hard Things,” a podcast featuring thought leader Glennon Doyle; her wife women’s soccer legend Abby Wambach; and Doyle’s sister focusing on “dropping the fake and talking honestly.”
I want you to know that even we therapists need to come together for support and share what we’re experiencing, as we navigate what feels like an increasingly polarized world. Know that you are not alone. Stay hopeful that there are techniques like the ones I’ve mentioned here to help you preserve your relationships, even with those whose political beliefs are different than yours.
(This column originally appeared in the November/December 2024 print edition of MainStream. Click here to order home delivery.)
